Getting Back in the Game
My 5-year-old started swim lessons this week, and it was a very different girl than I remember watching swim last summer. She didn’t swim at all that first day–instead she opted for holding on to the edge of the pool for the entire practice.
She was afraid to get in the water again, forgetting what a great swimmer she already was. I began searching for reasons why: was she overwhelmed with all the kids in the pool? Should I not have taken her to see the movie about the surfer getting her arm bitten off by a shark?
Now as a mental coach, but more importantly, a mommy that already paid for the swim lessons, I knew that if I wanted her to return the next day it was important to help her link swimming with positive emotion. We talked about the friends she would see and how much fun they would have! She enrolled in the conversation and was ready to go and added, “I’ll do my best and my best is good enough.”
The first half of that practice was similar to the day prior: holding on to the edge as best she could, but holding on nonetheless. I could see her eyes following her school mates bouncing in and out of the water, splashing and have a great time. Although I asked her to try and stand in the water, she refused.
Then it happened. She let one foot down slowly, touched the bottom, then the other foot and she was standing! And with that knowing came a mountain of confidence. I couldn’t get her out of the water at that point. She was back, and in a big way, remembering her ice cream scoops and swimming laps everywhere.
It made me think of times I’ve been afraid to try again. How big we create that obstacle in our mind and how we hang on to the edge for our own safety and survival, until we realize hanging on is killing us more than letting go.
Mila, age 5
Then we let go, and it’s over, and we wonder, “Why did it take me so long?”
Here’s why: because of where our focus is. We think about the pain, the suffering, the potential rejection, what a bummer to go without sugar, rather than focusing on the pleasure, how good we’ll feel, how disciplined, proud and courageous. So if there’s a game you’ve been away from in a while, whether it’s exercising, eating well or stepping into a leadership role at work, try shifting your focus to the positive and it just might help you let go of the edge.