Mindful Management

Faith

In one of my favorite books, Think and Grow Rich, author Napoleon Hill talks about Faith as one of the 13 principles of success. I’ve learned that lesson well. My daughter, Mila, who turns 6 today taught me more about Faith in 9 months than I learned in 30 years.

When I was just a few months pregnant with Mila, and not yet even knowing she was a girl, I received a phone call from the doctor’s office that sent my life into a tailspin; routine blood work indicated a 1 in 113 chance of having a baby with down syndrome, or possibly spina bifida.

Shock. Confusion. Tears. I researched the National Down Syndrome Society. I didn’t know what to do and felt I needed to do something! I had to know in order to prepare. I asked the doctor if I had to give up my career. He didn’t know, no one did, and I was going insane. I needed to be in control and KNOW! So many questions and no one had answers.

The doctor said the only sure way to know was to have an amniocentesis, a process of probing my belly with a really long needle and extracting fluid surrounding the baby. The needle would cross the abdominal wall, uterus, and then amniotic sac, and would give me the information I so desperately wanted. But it would also give me a 1 in 250 chance of a miscarriage.

That’s when my perspective shifted. It was no longer about me needing to know or prepare; it became about protecting the baby, giving it the best chance to live and not interrupting its environment. So on a typical workday morning before leaving the house, I looked at myself in the mirror and said, “God, if you give me a child with down syndrome, then I accept your plan. Me, my family, all of the people that I know, even the teenagers that I mentor, will be better people in this world because they will love a child with down syndrome.”

Both actions were atypical for me. It may have been the first time I spoke to God as an adult, and it was certainly the first time I spoke to myself in the mirror. But the words I spoke that morning changed how I felt for the rest of my pregnancy. There was never a moment of worry or sadness after that; my entire world shifted from speaking those 2 sentences.

Now in the business of helping others transform their own lives, I know the power of words. And perspective. And Faith.

Napoleon Hill also said, “Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit.” NOT knowing was one of the greatest gifts in my life, because it taught me to relax into faith.

What adversity, failure, or heartache has made you stronger?

Getting Back in the Game

My 5-year-old started swim lessons this week, and it was a very different girl than I remember watching swim last summer. She didn’t swim at all that first day–instead she opted for holding on to the edge of the pool for the entire practice.

She was afraid to get in the water again, forgetting what a great swimmer she already was. I began searching for reasons why: was she overwhelmed with all the kids in the pool? Should I not have taken her to see the movie about the surfer getting her arm bitten off by a shark?

Now as a mental coach, but more importantly, a mommy that already paid for the swim lessons, I knew that if I wanted her to return the next day it was important to help her link swimming with positive emotion. We talked about the friends she would see and how much fun they would have! She enrolled in the conversation and was ready to go and added, “I’ll do my best and my best is good enough.”

The first half of that practice was similar to the day prior: holding on to the edge as best she could, but holding on nonetheless. I could see her eyes following her school mates bouncing in and out of the water, splashing and have a great time. Although I asked her to try and stand in the water, she refused.

Then it happened. She let one foot down slowly, touched the bottom, then the other foot and she was standing! And with that knowing came a mountain of confidence. I couldn’t get her out of the water at that point. She was back, and in a big way, remembering her ice cream scoops and swimming laps everywhere.

It made me think of times I’ve been afraid to try again. How big we create that obstacle in our mind and how we hang on to the edge for our own safety and survival, until we realize hanging on is killing us more than letting go.

Mila, age 5

Then we let go, and it’s over, and we wonder, “Why did it take me so long?”

Here’s why: because of where our focus is. We think about the pain, the suffering, the potential rejection, what a bummer to go without sugar, rather than focusing on the pleasure, how good we’ll feel, how disciplined, proud and courageous. So if there’s a game you’ve been away from in a while, whether it’s exercising, eating well or stepping into a leadership role at work, try shifting your focus to the positive and it just might help you let go of the edge.